1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Parents & Children
Yesterday, Paul focused in on the relationship between a husband and a wife. Today, he turns his attention to another important relationship: parents and children.
Let me ask you a question: is there a time limit on honouring one’s parents? In other words, is this just something we do when we are children? After all, Paul does address the statement to children. Does that mean we are no longer obligated to obey and honour our parents once we are adults.
Well, yes and no. I do think there is plenty of scriptural evidence to suggest that once you begin a marriage relationship, your first priority should be to your spouse. You submit and obey that person. And so, if a parent tells you to do something that would be harmful or negative toward your spouse, then I think your first priority should be to the person you are a life partner with.
However, I do believe that there is no time limit on honouring your parents. As many of you know, my mom battled cancer for six years before it finally took her life. In her final year, Heather and I were pastoring a church in Northern Ontario (Iroquois Falls). The main reason we resigned that position and moved back to Ottawa was so that we could assist my sister in caring for my mom. We felt it was the right thing to do. It was our way of honouring my mom. If it meant personal sacrifice, so be it. She was my mom.
But do we honour a parent when the relationship was not a good one? Yes, I believe we do. Allow me to use my father as an example. I had no relationship with my dad until I was seventeen. The first time I spent any time with him was during a visit at a maximum security prison where my dad was enjoying a few years stay. My dad cultivated that relationship, in part, I believe, to help make things look better for when he went up for parole.
At his parole hearing, he spoke proudly of reestablishing a relationship with his children. He had us write letters that spoke about how much we were looking forward to building a connection once he was released from prison. I believe those letters and the desire to connect with family helped my dad get a favourable decision from the parole board. However, once he was free, no relationship developed. Was I used? Perhaps. And yet, from the moment he was released, he was welcomed into my family. Even if he were to show up today, he would be welcomed. I would honour who he was supposed to be in my life and who he could be in the life of my children.
Honouring doesn’t mean we agree or support every choice our parents make. Honouring is about condoning bad behaviour. Honouring is simply recognizing who the person is (or could be). You will not hear me tear down my father. While I am open about his struggles with alcohol and other drugs, you will not hear me speak negatively about him. He has his issues. He failed as a father because of the choices he made. And yet, I still honour him.
Is it easy to honour a parent who failed? Of course it isn’t. It takes faith to do so.
My prayer: Lord, thank you for all the positive examples of parents and children that we can find in this world. I consider the role my mom had in my life and I am so grateful for her. She was a truly amazing woman. And yet, not every relationship is a positive one. It can be easy to allow the emotional pain of a bad relationship to keep us from honouring our parents. Help me to not see only failure. Help me to see my parents through the lens of your grace. Amen.
Until tomorrow.
